Revolution Thrift

A Christmas Icon

Bah Humbug! Christmas is coming around and once again we are caught in a thrifters dilemma of how to appear generous and yet not break the bank.

We want to draw thrifty inspiration from the great intellectual that was Ebenezer Scrooge by pointing out the fact from the fiction, sperating Scrooge from Ebenezer. Ebenezer is portrayed in the Capitalist reinterpretation of A Christmas Carol in a number of unflattering and perverse ways, it is about time to broke these down and looked for the real story of A Christmas Carol.

Banker Scrooge. Ebenezer is given the profession of a banker. As we all know people have universally through history hated bankers, therefore we should see this as a deliberate perversion of the character Ebenezer. Dickens and film adaptations that follow attempt to paint Ebenezer as a greedy bourgeois banker that contrasts with the good nature of the common folk. The real point of his character is the moralistic twist that even the bourgeois can reform and show an ethical side, thus attempting to display Capitalism is in itself ethical with no need for reform/revolution.

This is not however the real story, the narrative we have just presented is the story you know that masks the real message. Ebenezer is in fact an embodiment of the proletariat, his hard work shows us that he is a slave to the Capitalist system.

Stingy Scrooge. This element of the Scrooge character is probably the most despicable, a man who will not spend money and as such he is the demonized antagonist. The fact that “Scrooge” has entered common language now as a term for people who exercise their right of free choice and don’t wish to spend money demonstrates the strength of the message that the Capitalist puppet of Scrooge delivered. The problem is blatant, Scrooge is masked in ideology, an ideology which says “Spend!”. This message couldn’t be delivered in a more simplistic fashion. The ghosts that visit Edenezer claim to be voices of moralistic justice representing the past, present and future, or in other words a continuity of the ahistorical ideology of neoliberalism. These neoliberal ghosts haunt Ebenezer until he becomes passive and “repents” for his sins against Capitalism.

Thrifty Ebenezer. It about time that the name of Ebenezer was redeemed. As we can see he is in fact the hero of the proletariat, he is not their man with an ethical cloak, he is our man. His only crime is to live and operate in Capitalism, a system that makes him an obsessive workaholic. Instead of seeing the logical way out of his serfdom he is deceived by the ghosts of neoliberalism. The man Ebenezer was an honest thrifter who whose memory was perverted by a Capitalist literature. If someone calls you a Scrooge this Christmas take it as a compliment for Ebenezer Scrooge was our man, a man who would join the Thrift Revolution.

That is Thrift.

Date: November 12th, 2011
Cate: Ultimate Thrift
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Thrifty Dating

We like the occasional bit of romance but there is really one problem with it, it’s very expensive. On dates you are expected to fork out the cash and impress, especially if you aren’t blessed with good looks and charm. This is the thrifty guide to dating.

First lets look at what the costs of dating are. Well we have the basics like getting there, transport is expensive but luckily there is nothing more romantic than walking. For the most part walking is a dull affair but when you are walking with love/lust in your heart it becomes a jolly stroll. So suggest a walk, make it sound romantic and you are on your way to becoming a thrifty lover.

Food plays a big part in all relationships, our answer is cooking a meal at home. Home cooking is probably the cheapest date possible that has an element of class. You don’t need to travel anywhere and you can use your thrifty woopsed items up. She doesn’t need to know that the chicken you are using cost 50p and has been frozen for 4 months. A favourite of ours is to take Waitrose or high end supermarket packaging (preferably taken from their bins) and leave it lying around the kitchen. An even better suggestion would be to get your date to do the cooking.

Dating involves the occasional present and expectations of ‘special’ presents for birthday, Christmas and Valentines. Valentines is probably the worst commercial holiday on a thrifters calender because it has a clear emotionalized character with high expectations from your significant other. First off try to avoid buying cards for any of these holidays, just get some paper and write something on instead, remember ‘words come cheap’. As for gifts it will involve time committed to the bargain bin and a commitment to haggling. The real art here is mixing quality with thrift.

The best answer to thrifty dating is really to lock down a man/woman that doesn’t care too much of high romance or consumerist pleasures. Nothing could be worse than falling for someone who is a fickle foot soldier of the high street, what do you talk about? All you want to talk about is the thrift of the day and the latest blog posts on Revolution Thrift; whilst they want to talk about the latest fashion, X Factor and how they have been conditioned into not having independent thought.

If we had the time then we would set up a thrifty dating website so thrifters could meet other thrifters and have thrifty babies. We could create a new super-species of thrifty people. Perhaps that is the thrifty revolution?

That is thrift.

Date: November 11th, 2011
Cate: Thrift Theory
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Magical mythical money

We have been following all this financial crisis stuff over the last few months and think we have noticed something that is worth sharing with thrifters of the world, there is something curious about money.

We like to think on this site that we have a pretty good understanding of money, we have read the cheapskates guide to economics, economics 101 and any economics book we can get reduced. This is why we began to look closely at what was going on in the economic underworld.

You may have noticed if you pick up the free newspapers that there is something called a recession where the media make it sound like we are all going to die because… well… I guess even they don’t understand why. This post isn’t here to explain the why’s, although if you are interested it was caused by the following things: every government except the current one, men in suits, poor people wanting too much and somehow what is normal going wrong.

This post really wants to look at how you can gain from this financial crisis, after all it turns out that the rich have being doing this for a while. We have drawn up a method whereby you too can begin to reap the rewards from the suffering of the many.

So essentially what has happened over the last few years is Quantitative Easing aka printing money, trigger wild panic that we are heading to Wiemar Germany and the rise of Fascism. The good news about this printing of money is that no money is actually being printed, this is good because poor people can’t get hold of it and selfishly cause hyperinflation (and as in Germany, leading to Fascism and War. Correct, the selfish poor caused World War 2).

So the money isn’t printed physically but it still exists, it is a sort of abstract money. The best part of this is that no one really knows where it is going other than the vague answer of banks. This is where thrifters come in. Theoretically we can say we have been given some of this money or follow the example of central banks and just dream it up.

Now all of this sounds a little silly, who is going to believe you! Well the best part is that Capitalism is based on trust, bank A has to trust that bank B or homeowner C is going to pay them back, to do that it has to believe it is able to pay them back, to do this it must have money.

So the good news here is that we can all profit handsomely from doing very little, just go to your bank and insist you have money you don’t (or do you?). The bad news is that if too many people find out then it will create bubble, this will inevitably burst and very likely lead to the collapse of Capitalism. Perhaps this is the thrifty revolution?

That is thrift.

Date: June 13th, 2011
Cate: Thrift lite, Thrift War
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Thrifty Shopping

Guys the second you walk into a supermarket the corporations are trying to mess with your mind and make you buy things you don’t want or need or make you purchase the ‘quality’ option. You are being manipulated, you are being deprived of your rationality. We need a new way to shop, thrifty shopping.

Supermarkets use mind control because they want your money, you don’t know this but I’ve just told you. There is a subtle art to this trickery and we need to overcome it and go beyond it, we need to become the thrifty customers that we want to be.

Always check dates. This really is key because if you pick up something that is going to go off the next day then it is most likely a bit of a dud purchase and who buys dud things, someone who is a dud themselves. Really look for the longest date, often this will be found towards the back of the shelf.

Compare gram for gram. Sometimes what seems cheapest isn’t. An obvious example of this is with rice, if I can buy a 100g bag for 50p and a 150g bag for 60p then the second bag is the thrifty long term option, the first bag is the thrifty short term option. Consider why you need it and if you will use it again, something like rice will last forever and is an incredibly cheap food source anyway. If we are talking a cheese which you plan to use once get the smaller, cheaper option.

Plan. If the above two have proved anything it is the need for planning. If you are ad hoc with your food you will tend to overspend which will make you a frivolous fool. What do you want to be a frivolous fool or a king of thrift.

Don’t be fooled by offers. The supermarkets will try and tempt you with money off their high end products, as a result you would end up spending more money than you meant to. Don’t be tempted, look what happened in the Garden of Eden when Adam gave into temptation, everything bad.

Don’t be a fool. Don’t shop when you are hungry, inhebriated or under the influence of drugs. If you do you are more likely to be taken in by the supermarkets cunning tricks.

That is Thrift.

Date: May 24th, 2011
Cate: Thrift Theory
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Original Sin

I don’t like making lofty claims but as the word of Thrifty Fielden spreads I am beginning to hear one word as I walk down the street and rummage through garbage bins, that word is “messiah”. There has been a lot of religious talk recently on this blog and I don’t want that to become a thing but I do wish to utilise my current God-like status, lets talk about Original Sin.

There is one thing that Thrifters shouldn’t do. WASTE. What is worse than investing your money in food/commodity and then leaving it to rot? Nothing, except dealing with the Satanic forces of luxury and indulgence. You wouldn’t allow your coins to rust away and your notes to mould, it is the same so open your eyes to it people.

In fact lets go beyond money, lets talk about the labour that goes into making that food, the energy and the costs involved. That banana you aren’t eating that is from some random poor country in the South and has been grown by some poor person, shipped halfway round the world by more poor people, shelved by some poor person in the store you went to and then brought home by you. Then you just leave it to waste. Shocking.

If this isn’t just sin it is utter irrationality. In the Thrifty nation irrational behaviour of waste will be punished, you Satanic wasters will not get the right to vote, you will be excluded from society and you will be thrown into a cesspit of shame and burning flames.

All Thrifty Fielden asks is don’t waste, lets use not abuse. The abolition of waste is an important element of the Thrifty Revolution.

That is Thrift.

Date: May 21st, 2011
Cate: Thrift War
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Thrifty Rapture

There is an awful lot of discussion about a potential apocalypse today, here at Thrifty Fielden we don’t take such idiotic nonsense lightly. We have decided to draw up a thrifty post-apocalypse plan for you all.

First off its worth noting if you had taken Thrify Fielden’s advice earlier to convert to thrifty protestantism you probably won’t have a problem and you will be lifted up to heaven and it will be amazing for you. However, given that you either didn’t join the barmy protestant army or protestantism turns out to be the wrong form of Christianity (I hope God doesn’t pick the Catholics) then you guys will need a plan.

We are going to make a number of assumptions that basic infrastructure will remain in place, at least for a while. First off make sure before 6pm (when the event occurs), you have stocked up on frozen items aka, get some thrifty freezing done! Sadly, 6pm is your typical woopsing hour when all the thrify reductions are made, bad news mate you’ve missed out on that one.

We are assuming that what is coming is a zombie apocalypse, it has long been foretold by the media. This is what you want to prepare for. So gather up some people you don’t care about, they are zombie decoys. This is in the event zombies find into your chosen hide out, use them as decoys to make your escape. If Zombie movies tell us anything make sure that these decoys are either from a minority background, are comparatively worse looking than you or have little personality to develop.

Avoid any urges you may have to go out in public, for whatever reason it may be. Loved ones and friends are not worth saving, it is not thrifty if you die. Try to avoid shopping malls, they are generally quite expensive, I imagine companies will use the apocalypse as an excuse to hike prices up.

Most importantly remember God has forsaken you, moral considerations are now out of the window. We in no way wish to suggest that it is okay to commit immoral acts now that all hope of rapture has been lost. However, here is a list of immoral acts that God wouldn’t have wanted you to do: loot, steal, pillage, be a homosexual, commit adultery, worship another God, misuse his name and have an unholy Sabbath. Remember keep it thrifty.

That is thrift.

Date: April 22nd, 2011
Cate: Thrift Theory
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Thrifty God

So I was watching this dude on TV, he claimed to be a historian or whatever and it got me thinking about history and stuff. One thing I have noticed in my thrifty life is how the world is getting less thrifty! So I asked myself, why might this be? What made old people thrifty and new people not so thrifty. Well, thrifters hang on because I have the answer.

The answer is God, or more to the point that Protestant God. I haven’t read the bible (why bother it’s really wordy, that wouldn’t be a thrifty). Instead I can get all my facts from the internet, a reliable source of information that is unbiased and factually correct. So essentially the Protestant work ethic makes people want to work and save, aka be thrifty. Any religion that endorses thrifyness is a religion of mine. So God likes all this thrify stuff I take it, this is why he gave all his people the Protestant work ethic, that was nice of him.

So, as John 1:1 says “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was Thrifty”.

Basically guys, all the old people had this Protestant work ethic and God liked it, he was cool with it and everyone was happy in the thrifty utopia. Then some bad stuff started happening, people created banks, started trading fancy stuff and the free market went anti-thrift. You know what I am saying, thrift was killed by the bloody Marxists with their neo-liberal agenda!

Now we are left with consumerism, everyone wanting to buy stuff for the sake of having stuff, we have Stalinists telling us what stuff we want and we have Maoists killing us and taking our stuff. The world is just a endless cycle of stuff moving around for the sake of it. There isn’t any Protestant work ethic, what would God say!

Since this Protestantism seems pretty good, I’m going to convert. Perhaps I should be called thriftyprotestant but then again that is self evident, like we all have our pre-conceived ideas about Religion, Protestantism is thriftyism. You heard it here. Convert today disciples. Hop on the bandwagon.

That is Thrift!

Date: April 7th, 2011
Cate: Thrift Theory
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Thrifty Revolution

One of the great questions of history, why has there been no world revolution, every man rising up to claim what is his? Well, you might argue that the answer is actually very simple, thrift. There exists such little knowledge of thrift in todays cranky consumerist society that people are missing the point. The point is thrift guys, get with the program. What makes me so sure that I have the thrifty remedy to world revolution, the ‘I’ in thrifty and the awe in awesome? I think, therefore I am… thrifty. I am sure, because I am thrifty.

So to get to point, what are all these crazy Marxists doing wrong? Fundamentally the workers have never shown any energy or motivation towards revolution, thus the solution is to give them energy. What is the thriftiest method of delivering this energy to the workers, here at thrifty Fielden there is only one answer, jam. Jam because it is pretty much sugar with flavoring (I know this because I made it once and can remember adding a huge amount of sugar). The next question might be why jam and not just sugar, you would presume the thriftiest method of energy delivery would be through raw sugar consumption, wrong. At many high street supermarkets gram for gram jam is cheaper than sugar this is because of an economic theory called ‘economies of scale’, don’t ask though just listen to what I have to say.

We also want the workers to be happy and jam is hugely transferable food type. You can put it anything, bread, cakes and most importantly you can put jam into a smile, the smile of a happy worker who can afford jam. The working class love bread and hell even Jesus ate bread, if the son of God ate it then you sure as hell will too.

So thrifters I come to you and foretell, a spectre is haunting Europe – the specter of jam. One day people will say, anyone who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without jam upheaval. Social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the price of jam (Karl Marx).

That is thrift!

Date: April 4th, 2011
Cate: Ultimate Thrift
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Thrifty Freezing

This is some of the ultimate thrift I can offer you guys. This is from the heart and this advice will help unite the very substance of the thrift movement. I am going to tell you how you can reduce food costs and at the same time have more choice than ever. All of this is possible by spending less money, it is unbelievable, almost as unbelievable as the religious scripture but you need to believe it!

Thrifters, the freezer is your best friend. If you haven’t purchased one yet then get “a large one” because you are going to be needing it. If you have already got a freezer don’t be stupid, be thrifty and hang on to it, you just showed you are not very entrepreneurial. So how do we use this freezer? The best way is to put woopsed food in. If you see a bargain that you don’t really need right now buy it, whack it in the freezer, jobs a gudden’. I like to use this simple formula.

Woopsed food + freezer = thrift

This plan is almost perfect, the only issue I have had is house mates who can’t deal with ultimate freezer thrift. Listen, people may try and stand in your way on the crusade to thrift, my advice is knock them aside, remember a freezer can store bigger things than just reduced food!

Date: April 2nd, 2011
Cate: Ultimate Thrift
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Woopsing hour

Saving money is an easy game, you just have to be in the know. At school they don’t teach you about being in the know, this isn’t something you learn in life, this is just something you learn at thrifty Fielden. This is perhaps one of the most important things I have to tell you about, it is where you will make your biggest savings, it is what will define you as thrifty.

What am I talking about? I am talking about woopsing! There has been a great deal of debate about the existence of woopsing, some challenge its very foundations. I would like to compare this debate to the one between evolutionists and creationists. Woopsing evolved out of awesomeness and the growing demand of those who wanted to win and be thrifty. It sure isn’t subject to intelligent design, all those fools who think it doesn’t exist (‘the heathen’), seem to believe that God came down and performed some crazy ass intervention to stop human progress and evolution. To all those God loving, progress denialists: woopsing exists. What is more, woopsing hour, the sacred hour of all thrifters exists, I’d know because I hang around at supermarkets waiting for it.

I would refer you to the urban dictionary article of woopsing that I just wrote but it is still being reviewed, no doubt they will publish it though. So what is woopsing? It is the act of reducing the price of items in a supermarket when they are at the end of the their sell-by date, this is where the freezer comes in. I’m not expecting you to consume 32 sausages in one day, freeze them!

So you want to know more about woopsing. Well there is the sacred hour, woopsing hour. Most supermarkets will have a time, normally after 7pm where they will get some insane woopsing action in. Get to know your local supermarket, hang around and watch to see when they begin woopsing.

You can make massive savings, let me give you a few examples. After christmas I bought a jar of cranberry sauce, we are talking some real posh stuff, I think each cranberry was squeezed by an poor person or something, it cost me 1 pence. Bread as well, get on that stuff, it is cheap, bare cheap. Freeze it all, freeze it without mercy. You are making savings my lad. Get in on the act, if you make any thrifty woopsy savings then send me a picture of your happiness.

That is thrifty!

Revolution ThriftThat is thrift.